Mike Avila was 12 years old the first time he said “Not Today.” His father had just told him he wasn’t strong enough or fast enough to beat the 14-year-old champion at their local boxing club.
What stung most wasn’t the doubt it was that his dad hadn’t said the same thing to his older brother. To young Mike, it landed as you’re not good enough. He remembers the anger burning in his stomach. But he was a realistic kid, so he didn’t defiantly tell himself he could win that day. He told himself something smarter: Okay, maybe not today. But I will one day soon.
That was the seed of everything. And decades later, a curbside conversation with his father revealed just how deliberate it all had been.
The reason behind the toughness
Near his 70th birthday, Mike’s dad still sharp while Mike’s mom was deep into Alzheimer’s walked him out after a Father’s Day visit. They ended up sitting on the curb talking for three hours. Mike finally asked the question he’d carried for years: Why were you so tough on me?
His father’s answer floored him. “You don’t think like other people. You’re different. You’ve always been different… I knew the best way I could make you achieve anything was to tell you that you couldn’t do it. Other kids, that might demotivate them, but I knew that telling you you couldn’t do something would bring out that fire in your eyes.”
Telling Mike he couldn’t do something was, in his dad’s words, like rocket fuel. He’d spotted it early and used it on purpose even knowing it would make his son mad at him because he was fully committed to raising Mike the best way he knew how.
That’s a beautiful story about a father. But Mike pulls a bigger lesson out of it, and it’s for everyone whose childhood didn’t come with a believer in the front row.
The one belief that matters most
Mike is honest about his luck. He grew up in a strong, supportive family a foundation he knows not everyone gets. If yours didn’t include that, he says plainly: first, I’m sorry. Second, here’s the truth that levels the field.
Having loved ones who believe in you is great. Belief in a higher power can be a huge source of comfort. But nothing tops self-belief and the only person who can deliver that is you.
Self-belief, in Mike’s telling, isn’t a personality trait some people are born with. It’s a decision. It might be a decision you have to fight for every single day. But regardless of your upbringing or the support system around you now, you can always choose to believe in yourself. You can always decide to bet on yourself even, especially, when no one else will.
Two people who bet on themselves
Mike keeps two stories close for exactly these moments.
The first is a kid in Australia who dreamed of being a country music star. Everyone told him he was great. Then he went on The Voice, and not a single judge turned their chair around. You could see the defeat in his face. Mike wrote to him afterward with characteristic bluntness: those are just four people out of billions on this planet. If four judges are your giving-up point, you’re not strong enough to be a superstar yet. Cross your legs a little tighter next time, and get back after it.
The second is Sylvester Stallone. When he wrote Rocky, he was so broke he sold his dog to get by. Producers offered him over $250,000 for the script huge money in the 1970s on one condition: he couldn’t star in it. Starving and flat broke, Stallone refused to sell unless they let him play Rocky. He wouldn’t budge. That’s how much he believed in his own talent. The gamble paid off, and the rest is film history.
Mike watches Rocky with the kids he mentors for exactly this reason. The point isn’t the boxing. It’s the guts to bet on yourself when the smart, safe money says don’t.
Your move
If you’ve been waiting for someone to hand you permission or proof before you go after what you want, stop waiting. That confirmation may never come and it turns out you don’t need it.
Look in the mirror, own who you are, and be proud of the person looking back. Because if you can’t believe in yourself, how will you ever get anyone else to?
Mike’s story of self-belief from a boxing club at age 12 to the Water Ski Hall of Fame runs through his book, The Secret to Never Giving Up. If you’ve been waiting for someone else to believe in you first, read this one.